i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
