Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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