I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
