Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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