worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
