hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
