Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
