i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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