When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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