I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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