my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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