So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
