i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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