i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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