i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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