I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
