and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
