Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
