Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
