Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
