Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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