do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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