i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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