i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
