woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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