Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
