There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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