HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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