You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
