Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
