McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wear drunk well.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
