I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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