SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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