The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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