Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
