when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
