I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
