you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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