You just made me feel so damn special
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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