He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
