I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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