After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
