Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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