i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
