we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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