His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
