I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
