i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
