its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I came so hard my ears popped.