Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
