I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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