you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize