I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
