I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
