a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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