Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
