just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
false alarm, still single
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