i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry about my life...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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