im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
