i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
