Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
