I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
