why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She told me I should be a condom model.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
