Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
