I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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