So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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