took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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