she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
